Because we live without leaving our own time to feel every movement, impression, conversation, achievement. We have no time. This is the price that we pay for scientific and technological progress. What to do? Psychoanalyst Svetlana Krivtsova gives the answer to this difficult question.
Information technologies make it difficult, and sometimes completely taken away the opportunity to reside life emotionally, in the proximity to go through all its circumstances. When we have so many strong impressions and deeds, there is no space for spiritual processing of events. And as a result – devastation and fear that indicate that you cannot live like this.
This seems to be a paradox from a cognitive point of view, but absolutely fair in terms of feelings. The logic of emotions – the French philosopher Blez Pascal called it the “logic of the heart” – this is the same reality as the laws of physics. So that events do not devastate us, they need to be lived: it is important to leave a place for feelings that do not come right away.
Feelings must be allowed to wait, pauses between matters. Moreover, these pauses should be more significant than the “effective time management” suggests.
We pay dearly for not giving ourselves time to enjoy, to suffer, to feel to the end of what is happening to us
This is one reason. But there are others. For example, life in the city. And especially in the big city. How far the cities are generally adapted to a good life? They are uncomfortable, lonely, they are often unkind and even cruel … They are fierce. We have to hide unpleasant experiences to be effective.
But to displace only unpleasant feelings, and to leave pleasant ones – it is impossible. Soon we notice that there are no longer any feelings – neither good nor bad. We become more insensitive: a corn arises in our souls, like on a sore finger to protect from pain.
Another reason: many of us have hysterical features in character. Both men and women in Russia are often difficult or completely absent to their own experiences. Such a gap between thinking and feelings acts as emotional anesthesia, makes a person insensitive.
The tantrum poorly withstands restrictions and prohibitions, but if he provides freedom, he hears himself in a corner: he puts it off at the last moment, sets himself a too high bar, exaggerates troubles. And unconsciously brings himself to strong feelings, because only this is starting to
feel something. It doesn’t matter what is irritation, discontent or anxiety.
In what direction we are in a hurry, run, accelerating more and more every day? Often we are moving “K”: goals, values, what we consider important and justified – give children a good education, become a professional, and secure a decent life in retirement.
But we run and “from”. First of all, from ourselves: we have so many things that we have no time to deal with our experiences. In fact, we are just afraid to look into ourselves, we are afraid that it will hurt. We well remember in what form we have repeatedly been offered to do this: “Look at yourself – what are you like at all?!”
We cannot even decide on the simplest – stop, sit, do nothing for five minutes. We are irritated and even aggression when someone else is sitting and doing nothing. As if all the time should be spent absolutely rationally, with benefit.
Some of us are fleeing and “for” – for the benefits that are seduced. In the consumption society, everything is from clothing to household appliances – disposable, not subject to repair, quickly combined. We are offered to find the meaning of life in updating … things. We run after new models, fashionable news. It seems to us that, possessing just that, we will finally achieve complete satisfaction. But it doesn’t work … why?
Often we very vaguely understand what we really need. After all, if I clearly imagine, I intuitively feel, I get a clear message from the very depths of my being – “I need this, I can’t” without it, ”it becomes a signal for the“ K ”movement, the guide to action.
